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Friday, February 13th, 2009
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I am too-
First of all:
thejuno.livejournal.com
Second of all:
http://www.myspace.com/mypieceofjunk
Go befriend that please - I have big news concerning that which I'll be announcing very soon.
And I'm still working SCD but progress on it has been slow due to the economy and me having to take on extra jobs to take care of debts.
So if any of you are still out there - I miss you. Please come be my friend on the MySpazz and on my other LJ. :)
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 25th, 2007
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I'm not seriously, but I thought I'd pop in here when I realized I never said I was leaving.
I live here now. I'm still on LiveJournal - just not here. Try thejuno.
I'm still doing comics. I'm not in San Angelo. I moved to Tennessee. I got married. I have five zillion kids and a minivan. The marriage part is true. The last part, maybe not so much which should have been obvious. Minivan? Seriously?
But I hope you'll come find me elsewhere and I hope you are all well. Miss lots of you.
Peace.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
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Monday, October 23rd, 2006
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I deleted a shit load of people off my buddy list. If you can't see me anymore during my regular hours (if you were my bud, you'd know when that was) you've been knocked off. Why? Because you never talked to me. Simple as that. I have 130+ people on there which is just rediculous if I get on and no one ever talks to me. Not trying to be a drama queen so if it's coming off that way, it's unintentional. Just think of it as "spring cleaning" only a little more morbid.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
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"Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
When all my resistance will never be distance enough
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love"
-- Wreck of the Day, Anna Nalick
I know your priorities. I'm going to respect them.
See ya, Space Cowboy.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 15th, 2006
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That I hadn't slept in 36 hours when I wrote that last entry. I'm fine. I'm not going crazy. I slept so damn good last night and woke up feeling so much better. Everyone, no worries. I'm cool. ^_^
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
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My hand was caressing your arm last night, my head on your shoulder but it was who was crying, strands of my hair absorbing your tears. It's Juno's favorite saying that things never turn out the way you expect them to. Just when you accept a situation, it changes. I've dumped a lot here in the past week and it's always true about how it's usual to only hear the negative. I am rollercoaster and I'll be the first to admit it. I am what makes your day swing or crash. I am the catalyst full of external factors that push upon my direction. It's so beautiful when you smile and I can't stop holding you. And thank god, I don't have to.
Things never quite work out the way you expect them to. Just when you think you're running away of the city you feared because the memories you made here just don't make any sense and hurt so bad. Those mistakes, you'll make them again. Happiness is a direction not a place.
What does this rambling mean? God has intentions and they're put out on the table like a spread of cards. Yeah, a metaphor of life's a gamble. It's amazing when you think you're worthless, somebody unexpected comes along and says, 'What can I do to make you stay?' What I thought was so unacceptable was so simple it seemed a moot point. I can keep my family, my car, my home. I get to manage the project I started and not be known as the one who ran when the going was getting good. I don't have to miss a day without cake or become unabsorbed in media because that's not my job. It is my job now. I am exactly what I want to be. I'm being rewritten into this plot and it's awesome. So I'm happy. Everyone else can just deal. Sure a big city might have equated a more potential future but loyalties lie with what you constitute as dignancy. My work is my legacy and I am loyal to my work. To make a long story short, Django ate my baby so the Django is my baby.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 9th, 2006
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I really don't know what to say about this weekend. And so far today no progress has been made on finding about Tampa. I'm getting irked, nervous, pissed and it's just tiring me out. I want to move on with my life. I'm looking at houses there while John's dropping off pamphlets of houses here. I'm tired of pressure. Everytime I turn around with him I hit a wall, especially with the kids. And it's pissing me off. Last night I couldn't sleep because I decided I wanted to move out after arguing about Kelsey and the chance she might have a learning disability. 'Oh no, not my kid - lord forbid' he goes on. That's right, I know nothing. I tell him about what I've found with her reading to me and he still slams me into the proverbial wall. He's always right and I'm always wrong. Gee, I only taught for two years. You'd think I might have a deeper insight than someone who's worked in sales his whole life. For christ's sake. I'm just trying to help.
I sent off my HTML document for Tampa Friday and I have yet to hear back. Needless to say my hope is draining fast. And here I thought I did good on it considering the time limit. I should have never got my hopes up. I wish so bad I could get out of this fucking city. I almost wish I would have never moved back but then Tampa would have never been a possibility. My job sucks so hard I can barely stand it. I'm sick of doing everyone else's damn job. I'm especially sick of getting paid shit for doing everybody else's job. Manager gets paid 45k to do what? Go to meetings? And put up with us obviously. But the person who actually does all the work gets paid under 30k? I understand the corporate bullshit but I can only tolerate it to a degree.
I'm sick of being strong here. I'm sick of being here in general. Nothing works out and there is no potential. I deserve better. I fucking do.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
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As you meet people, as you grow old, as you network (or start a webcomic), you start to realize that you have no safehold. I wrote an entry about this ages ago on Bohemian Trash. It's the irony of new internet trends. Hey, let's expose our life to the world through a journal that's put online where we can't write what we *really* feel because so-and-so will read it or get it sent to them. So what does that make you? What does that make the words you write? A down-right dirty deceiver? Cliche? You make your alliances on MySpace, you link up your other journals vicariously to your higher trafficked sites. And you get your audience. But you lose more than you bargianed for. And of course, like all things, it gets worse with time.
I have several things I've held inside. John wants me to talk but he still doesn't understand how my mind is like a train wreck. I rarely get the light clicked on long enough to rant and rave, truly express myself verbally before someone else turns said light off and all trains collide. I can't look at you and firmly construct in verbal words what I want from you because it comes out like nonsense. Call it a disability. As I think about this "Stroke of Luck" by Garbage comes to mind. Last week we looked up our horoscopes (this is a usual thing) and his mentioned something about working out his issues with commitment. I of course immediately know what's going on with that. He had a breakdown the other night because of his ex and I was there holding him. I never was the comforting type was I? You remember me as cold. But we're one and the same. But he looks at me in a moment of what seemed subdued hysteria and says, "I can't marry you. I can't go through that pain again." And you get shot in the chest. Granted clarification was made later that it was the crying talking. I'm pushing him and I can't help it. I had four years of promises, broken.
And so I tell my Dad today because I'm getting interviewed about a job tomorrow for a Corporate newspaper center in Tampa that I don't want to go but I need something from John. Dad simply replies, "Commitment." Exactly. And we talked about it how yeah, you can promise but commitment is something totally different. I'm so scared in not knowing where I'll end up. And that should be acceptable. Both our situations make our hesitation acceptable. But I feel the trust isn't there. And if you say that, it all falls together. I don't know. If I pass up this job I'm waiting for something that might not ever come. And I will regret leaving him and the girls. They're my family. I just wish, really wish, I knew where I stood with them. Who am I to them? What do I say when I introduce myself to their friends? "Hi. I'm K-stan's father's girlfriend"...? How terrible does that sound? What do you want from me? I'm not asking you to control me or manipulate me. I'm asking for what you see in our future. What is it you want this to be? Who are we?
A lot has changed since Keith and I broke it off. Most of my meds are gone. I go through my days lately suddenly getting scared, suddenly needing to cry, randomly going into rage when talking to someone who doesn't get it right off the bat... I'm sad when I should be happy... and it's driving me crazy. And I feel bad because it's new to John. He doesn't know how to take it. I'll yell but I don't mean to yell but it's like I feel everything now on such an extreme level I can't control what comes out.
I'll be talking here more. I have a lot to get off my chest I think. Probably why I feel more like shit and have more noise in my head than usual.
Does anybody still read this?
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Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
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I suppose this is the time of year that I am to update with my grades and summer plans and how horrible the spring was. Ah, life is so much easier when you drop out. XD I haven't been reading anyone's LJ for some time. I regret that but I'm honestly too busy to keep up with the stupid comic much less read anything else. Speaking of the which, the books are going to be late... again. My fault I suppose. I've moved three times in six months (yes, that means everything) and I've spent at least a month, if not more, of that in hotels. So the schedule of SCD is completely wacked.
A-kon is this following weekend. We'll have a table... and panels... and yeah, it'll be a typical con. *sigh* Shoot me. After that it looks like OtaKon in Baltimore in August and OniCon in Houston in late October. Maybe. After that, who knows. Probably Katsucon. Peh. I hate cons.
Oh - got my new apartment in Dallas (obvoiusly). I like this one so far. But Rally keeps setting off the neighbor's car alarm so that can't be good. I'm sure I'll hear about that eventually. *smirk*
I've been updating Bohemian Trash more so if ya'll want a darker view of my life, feel free to hop over there. ^_^
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
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If you love your Juno then cast your vote for Star Cross'd Destiny!
You can do so everyday! *muah*
Speaking of SCD:
The image that will be used on Volume 1 which comes out in March. :D You can preorder your copy at the SCD store. It's cool, it's sexy, and it'll keep you warm at night. ;) Well... Maybe not but you'll feed my tummy for a week!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
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Well, I for one have to say that I'm not "giving up" on life. Just mainly for the record. I'm not like that. "What are you going to do?" Eirik asked me. "I just keep on moving forward." Which is what I do. I have SCD and dammit, that's a lot. And wouldn't dare drop the ball on my readers. They've been a lifesaver for me whether they realize it or not.
As for Keith - that was the STUPIDEST thing I have EVER thought and I can't believe I actually even typed that out. That entire post was nothing but dribbling 'woe is me' bullshit that just kept daisy-chaining its way to the ultimate end. Yes, Keith isn't moving as fast as I am in life but christ, we're 20! And I need to realize that. Why in the hell would I break up with someone I love so much? Why the hell would I even think that was a way out? Because I wanted stability so bad. I want so badly right now to have something to grab a hold of that won't go away. I got down so low that I thought even he was gonna get ripped out from underneath me when instead he would be the one thing that would be guaranteed to be there. So yeah, completely disregard that.
Shit happens. My life sucks some severe ass right now and I swear God's pointing a finger and laughing at me as I run in circles. But I have to move on... Just don't expect me to be happy about it.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Summary of the things that have happened in the past six months:
- Kicked out of Art Institute
- Neon sent into guardrail
- Caught Camaro on fire
- SCD hosting racked up a wonderful debt on my credit card
- Diagnosed with brain tumor
- flown to Houston to find out the brain tumor was dead but I have epilepsy
- Lost job due to morning seizures
- Had to drop out of community college due to health complications
- Lost apartment because of the above and had to move back to San Angelo
- Apartment complex trying to charge $1800 for not giving 60day move-out notice even though lease ended
- Rally the 78 Camaro's head gasket is blown and she now barely runs. Second kid I've lost this year.
- Shelby's head gasket just found out is bad AFTER it was signed over to my name
- Computer gets infected with 10 viruses at once - luckily nothing was lost
- Found out the Daytona which I treated like it was my kid is probably irrepairable and I'll never be able to drive it
- Lost out on moving to Denton because I can't commit to a 1yr lease because of my health
- Stuck in San Angelo about to take a fulltime position which means I'm probably never getting out of here
- About to break up with Keith since he can't seem to move forward with his life and I don't know where either one of us is going anymore
If I didn't have SCD I would officially as of today have nothing. I've lost my job, lost my cars, lost my home. I've lost my life.
What's left to lose? Where do you go from here?
And then when you figure that out tell me why bother.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, August 16th, 2004
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You Know You're From Louisiana When... |
The crawdad mounds in your front yard have over taken the grass.
You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
Every so often, you have waterfront property.
When giving directions you use words like "uptown," "downtown," "backatown,"
"riverside," "lakeside," "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee."
When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places
like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold."
You've ever had Community Coffee.
You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it.
You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used.
The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is
healthier than a Caesar salad.
You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several
Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake.
You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
You believe that purple, green and gold look good together.
Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
You describe a color as "K & B Purple."
You like your rice and politics dirty.
You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins."
You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...
When out of town, you stop and ask someone where there is a drive-through Daiquiri
place, and they look at you like you have three heads.
You have flood insurance.
Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast.
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
You leave a parade with footprints on the top of your hands.
You have a parade ladder in your shed.
Your first sentence was "Throw me something mistah" and your first drink was from a go-cup.
You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.
You reply to anything and everything about life here with "Only in Nahlins".
You have a monogrammed go-cup.
You get on a bus marked "Cemeteries" and don’t think twice.
You shake out your shoes before putting them on.
Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside.
No matter where else you go in the world, you are always
disappointed in the food.
You get up in the morning and start cooking a pot of rice before
you give any thought to what you'll fix for dinner.
You ask, "How dey running?" and "Are dey fat?" when you're
inquiring about seafood quality. When a hurricane is imminent
When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.
You call tomato sauce "red gravy."
You eat sno-balls instead of throwing them.
Your house payment is less than your air conditioning bill.
Your grandparents are called "Maw Maw" and "Paw Paw."
You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.
No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a menu item in some
restaurants.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Louisiana.
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God, it's so true! I love it!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Now this page I'm proud of (click for full view):
Aside from that - you'll be glad to know that the third fire finally showed. (I have this strong belief that all things happen in threes.) This time it was Patrick's microwave and my potato. Everything was saved, aside from the potato. lol. So coincedental since the night the apartment building caught on fire, Patrick was with me and we were going to stay over at his house instead of the hotel but I told him I didn't want to bring my bad luck over and have his house get flamed next. Guess fate thought other wise. Tell ya what though, scared the crap outta all of us. We thought the grill had fallen over (we were grilling out steaks) but it was only the microwave. Poor potato. It was toast. lol.
I'm waiting for the tire store to open up so I can begin the hellish for the perfect tires for Rally. Damn I'm tired. O_o
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Nothing's funnier than getting handed a one hundred dollar bill and being told you can keep it if you take your "reliable" Neon back home instead of you "piece of junk" Camaro. I was cool with that under the condition I could come pick up Rally anytime I wanted and bring her back home and keep both cars. So I jump in my "reliable" Neon and starting back to Dallas. Within 150miles the transmission went out and there was spent $400 towing the "reliable" Neon back to San Angelo. The next day I jump in the "unreliable, piece of junk" Camaro and drove back to Dallas without any problems.
I think Dad is a little biased, don't you?
*shrugs* Either way, I got to keep the $100. XP
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
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I'm going to copy and paste my entry from SCD for this one to sum up my last two days:
Monday, while on my way to Brookhaven College to turn in my transcripts, Rally (my 78 Camaro aka my child) overheated and caught fire. I luckily got her off the interstate and into a parking lot before she shut down. I popped the hood to see a small fire burning off the exhaust manifold. Rally has a small leak in the fuel line so needless to say my life flashed before my eyes. I ran into a chinese restaurant that was nearby screaming, "Fire!" and to my dismay the poor little lady (who was the only one there - they weren't open yet) didn't know a word of English. About five minutes later after she tried to hand me a jug of water I find the extinguisher, grab it and run, knowing the entire time that the fuel line could go at any moment. I got Rally's fire out, got her towed to the shop, and after we all looked her over we found that it was just a small grease fire that started due to the overheating and the extreme. After checking the weather I wasn't surprised. Our heat index Monday was 110 degrees with at least 60% humidity.
So get I over the stress from almost losing Rally by taking a trip to my favorite coffee shop last night which is right down the street from my apartment. While there, I notice about three fire trucks go by and some ambulences. Coincidently enough I make the comment to Patrick and Keith, 'I hope that's not my apartment building' - Well, certainly enough, it was. We walked back to see the entire block sectioned off and at leat 5 trucks on the block (who knows how many on the other side). First I heard the roof was on fire. That wasn't so bad. Then I find that actually an entire apartment on the fifth floor had caught on fire. That's two floors up from me and down the hall. They move us to another building and announce that floors five, four, three, and two have water damage from the sprinklers going off. Immediately I realize that all my papers of SCD are in there uncovered... my computer is on... my laptop bag is open... my paintings are in there... worst of all, Angus Pea is in there. I expected the worst. I figured my computers could have been salvaged but that was it. I spent two hours hiding in a corner preparing myself to deal with this. I didn't cry once and I'm surprised about that but I really thought I had lost everything. Fortunately a couple hours later we find out that my part of floor three was not effected and everything was okay. Luckily no one was hurt. The owners of the apt weren't there and as far as I know so far they still don't know.
I was lucky and I thank God for that. I'm pretty freakin scared right now though, I'll admit. Two fires in two days; first my car now my house. I was afraid to wake up today. I'm still sitting here waiting for what's next. Was it an omen telling me to beware or an omen to remind me how lucky I am? Either way, I don't think I'll be leaving the house today.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
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I've started to look back over the past couple years. How far I've come... how much I've changed. From surviving my minor MPD and the schizo-affective to hearing nothing and living a normal life. It's almost scary. I haven't remembered those days. I've tried to forget them. But maybe I shouldn't. I used to cherish the hours in my room I'd stare at the walls alone now I'm so lonely all the time I get nervous to be alone for a long period of time. I'm getting social... well, sorta social. I still can't talk to people unless they talk to me first. But to think that I went from a self-mutilating psychopath to the calm, pensive person I am now. It's just... odd. I'm tackling my problems not running away. I'm handling the problems as myself (that probably doens't make sense to most) which is a very nice change.
I'd like to think the comic gave me a sense of purpose too. For a while I had no passion. Now I do. And I'm turning it into what I always dreamed it could be.
I'm doing good dammit. I just need to realize it for once.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, June 17th, 2004
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But... I have this feeling some of those aren't all lies! O_o heehee.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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What kind of disease are you?
junobean: | junobean is caused by sponges.
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junobean will, upon infection, cause you to become a street-mime.
To cure junobean, write bad goth poetry. | |
That's so fitting. I love it! So that's why there are so many street mimes in NO! It's all my fault!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
junobean's journal
complacent.
accomplished.
sleepy.
disappointed.
content.
frustrated.
rejuvenated.
tired.
weird.
scared.
pensive.